Category Archives: private and secrets

Sok dii

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I am really happy. First of all because of the fact, that I accept myself more and more and so do I accept more and more of my surrounding people. As the bible says already: Love the people as you love yourself. And its so true. Thanks Jesus or whoever said this once. I meet more and more people telling me that I spread out happiness and joy and affect other people. And its true. The more I love my world, the more my world loves me. And its not that I am running through the streets making efforts to get people to laugh. I am just me and it seems to be that people can see this. Not everybody but some. They get a smile on their face. Foreigners or locals. So I am sure that my private entries about finding my soul have the right thought. Finding my soul to see other peoples souls.

On top of that I have to say its affecting also the kind of people I meet. I meet people, have a great talk about any topics and it doesn’t matter where we come from, where we traveled, what we doing in real life. We don’t exchange emails in the end and don’t try to keep in touch for the rest of our lifes. We both accept the fact of have the luck to meet each other and accept in the same way that we will be apart from each other again. Its totally naturally and they is no doubt on both sides. Being open and free minded.

The more I come closer to myself the more it doesn’t matter where I am. I am reaching slowly but for sure the stage of being intensely happy.

friday, the 18th

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today something happend which didn’t happen the 10 month during traveling until now. I mist home. I mist my friends, my language, my way of being me, being secure about the do’s and the don’ts in my own culture. I think I understand now what home means.

Many thoughts ran through my head. But not any thought is belonging to depression or doubts. Thoughts about what all these travel experiences mean to me. About what its going to be a photojournalist and devote my life to stories where I am not a part of it. Being a foreigner for a life time.
Since 10 month I listen to people from the States, from New Zealand, from Australia, from Hong Kong, China, Vietnam and and and. I am interested in those stories in order to understand what the culture and the way of thinking is all about. Although I can get only a touch of what it means to live in those countries and cultures, I think I understood something about these countries and their people. And I am happy I can make this experience and have the opportunity and the courage to live this life. I enjoyed fully those stories. And I suppose that those experiences are similar to a photojournalist. They listen to all this to get a overview, a look inside it to make good reports, well researched. But never the less I came to a point where I totally lost all the interest and care about my own way of life again. Actually the first time since I left Germany.

Why I felt lost today is because I had the feeling about loosing the interest about these stories. Well, I do see how I change and how I developed myself in all these month. But I need somebody to talk about all this. Get encouragement, hope and a fresh portion of self confidence. Giving all my energy and power to listen to people and not talking about my experiences makes me feel lost, especially in my own language.

I thought about if its a german thing, being too serious about what the world is about, to learn about my own personality and my desires and fears, so searching also for my national identity here. Should we just enjoy life without thinking what is happening and why its happening? Of course we should not. Although questioning every day why life goes this way and not another can’t be the right answer as well. It takes to much effort and for some things there are probably no answers. I think I am stucked. Too many questions running through my head again:

Where lies my interest? Where is my passion? How do I find MY way of life?

I can imagine all these answers like: Take your time. Just live and you will explore what you need. What you can do and what you can’t. I need answers in order to carry on to live my desire. But I don’t want wait anymore until life is coming to me, I wan t to go to life. I want to know my life now.

I totally feel all these improvements I made in the past since I travel. But now its time to go the big step. Since I know I am good guy in the world and I am worth something and the work I’m doing is not too bad, I need to find the content. Yes, the content. For what do I live for? For the people in the world?! (As a photojournalist I have to). Am I though enough to forget about myself and reduce my wishes and desires in order to listen to people and devote my life to the world and its stories and of course to the pictures they create in my head? Am I grown up enough to do this? Is it just a matter of experience or a matter of age I need to reach to devote my life to those things I just named?

Well I think there is only one way to figure out. Do it. Fucking go for the shit I wish to do. Its harder as I ever imagined in my life. Do it without the thought and the doubts about the content quality and if I do so, what? What is the content? I can’t forget about the idea that I am just an expert in covering thing. wrap it and make it look nice. But the idea, the thought should be first, at least should be there at some point. I always wanted to learn how to express things, but never about the thing by it self and I am afraid, really worried about the fact that there is nothing which let me make crazy/passionated, let me talk about it if there wouldn’t be anything else in my interest.

This is not an entry about “help”. Its about “step 2 please” in life, which is got though

hello saigon, hello germany, hello world.

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Yes. I am still here and I didn’t forget there is a blog millions of people read everyday. I am working still for rebranded and do packaging design, illustration. I hang out a lot with my friends, mostly Vietnamese people. I do my best to learn the language, but it seems to be a non-profit relationship. Vietnamese doesn’t like me and I don’t get the pronunciation. I went out to a real club. The first time after 8 month after New York. I enjoyed myself, dancing with Americans, Vietnamese, Germans, gays, straights, old, young, the world. I live my life as it is. No more expectations how it should be, what I miss, what I regret, what I desire to do. Still, photography is a big thing, but right now, I am working in this company. And its a good thing. I come close to Vietnamese organization structures, the language, the people, the family life and even closer to Vietnamese food. YAM.

You guys know these AHA-effects. I have a lot of them the past days, and its a feeling of being unbelievable happy with my life and the situations around me. To understand that to be worried and angry and to dislike things makes me uncomfortable and unhappy. It doesn’t mean that I am not planning anything anymore, it doesn’t mean, I don’t expect anything anymore. Its more the way how much effort you put in these things. So, I come totally to a point, where I am relaxed and chilled. Even with stress, hectically traffic situations and heat, heat and heat again.

Most of the things I experience is not really worth or possible to tell. I realize that certain attitudes are changing, its the a way of life that changes. Some people recognized this already, other people don’t. In the end, I am happy with myself and what I am doing.

So, thanks to all the people and especially Yen-Linh, who shows me a lot how to come down and relax.
Another 4-6 weeks here for me in Vietnam, before I carry on traveling. Its weird though: the imagination of packing my backpack and walking around the world again.

A lot of things are repeating here. Its more about changes in my personality instead of my everyday life. When I travel again, there is more to tell.

Photography is coming soon again. I am looking forward to the time I have my camera again. But right now, I do something else. So, be patient.

In love,

Florian

The first step is done.

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Hi friends, family and everybody else who is interested in my life and my traveling and photos. I decided to carry on writing in english. Guess why? The folk out there I meet every day speaks no german at all. My written english isn’t that perfect, but at least you gonna understand what i am trying to say.

After 247 I spend another week in Florida to visit some friends. One reason I love florida it’s because of the sun. Nevertheless it wasn’t sunny at all, but i had some great days, which is much more important than the sun. I took several photos of friends and their friends again. But the whole week of vacation was more about relaxing from New York again as doing a report about Orlando.

So I came back the 2nd of August to NYC and tried to organize my photos to show those pics the class, started on August 4th. I can’t explain step by step why this guy, Joseph Rodriguez, is so fantastic and inspired me so much to go out on the streets, talk to people and take pictures. The first weekend I was so happy about my new influences that I went out for a party to dance like crazy. Well, some of you know how I dance. I danced like crazy which was so much fun. I didn’t take any pictures the next days, because I had some other things to do and I also wanted to wait for Harry, a guy from the hood just two houses away. He is puerto rican like most of the people around here. And he has a lot to tell. He had the courage to talk first to me 2 weeks ago to introduce me into all the rules of street and the Broadway: “Don’t go over there, those guys don’t make fun, you know, if you go there, they just Boom Boom you, you know, they just boom boom. So stay away from the other side of Broadway. This street is safe, this street is safe. Stay here. People here are good. This is safe.” He was frighten me somehow, because I also never crossed the Broadway before. But I realized that he made me even more scared about the other half of Broadway. Welcome to America. Anyway, he is a great guy and always when I see him we have nice “Talki Talki”, how Joseph would say.

Well. I believed that within a week I will be able to go out there and take pictures now and chat easily with the folk on the streets. Finally I figured out that I was not able to and searched for excuses instead the whole week long for not meeting people and don’t take any photos: It’s too hot, it’s too cold, it’s too late, I am tired, I need more time, I want to eat something first and so on. Friday night I went out to a party and a great night until 7 in the morning. I slept one hour and went to school. I was really relaxed and totally ok with the fact I didn’t take any pictures still with the thoughts of “I know how to do it now.” 28 minutes later somebody said: “I don’t know what I want to say in my life. I don’t know what to say with my pictures.” That makes awake again. I had no Ideas about taking pictures. One thing came to another and I doubt in myself again about everything. From one moment to another. Do I want to be a photographer or do I want to be an Illustrator and what the f*** do I have to say in my life. There are not really connections between her question and my thoughts, but it activate me to think. So I was really down and completely unsatisfied with my whole situation. I slept only hour the night before and was really tired what maked my scares even deeper. I knew, when I am not able to prove that black is white tonight, than I am lost. I went out to take pictures again on saturday evening. I’ve got a “NO” here and a “NO” there and another “NO” and another “NO”. But I realized in those “NO” moments already that I am able to ask people and I am not afraid anymore. Some of you can’t believe that maybe. But I really had those problems: Go to the folk on the street for my own and ask for a picture with the words: “Hi, howudoin?! I am doing a report about my hood, cos Iam living right next to you, you know. 28 Locust”. When I am with somebody, I am talking like crazy. But when you are for you own, its much harder. Its not hard to walk around and take snapshots and say thanks afterwards. Its hard to speak to people, what there are doing, how long there are in New York already, what their names are and so on. You have to see in the photograph that you had or still have a connection to the people. Finally I’ve got a “YES”. Those guys had a birthday party and had no problems at all with me. They invited me for a beer, for a birthday cake and asked me if I want to join these guys to come to a puerto rican bar not far away from that place. I said yes (which means I would be crazy and stupid if say no) and went to a small place somewhere between Brooklyn and Queens. A bar with live music and only puerto ricans. I danced with a woman around the age like my mother, only 4 and a half feets tall and had a lot fun. The conversations were quie funny, because they spoke english with an puerto rican accent and drunk on the top. I could understand only 26%. But sometimes you talk with a smile and thats totally fine. I enjoyed life again. Those guys couldn’t stop inviting me for one and another beer. Sounds like I was drunk after 2 minutes, but in total I had only 4 beer and could still concentrate on my pictures. I had exactly what i wanted this night. Beeing involved in a small social group, but still the outsider, able to take care about pictures. I am not totally satisfied with my pictures. But thats not the point. It was about finding my courage to go out there and talk to people I never met in my life before. I have all email adresses and new arrangements for tonight to meet some of those guys again and take more pictures in their apartments.

So I came home at 12.30a and met Harry again. Finally, after one and a half week waiting for him. I asked him for pictures and he said “YES”. So another great guy to shoot. 20 minutes later I received a call from a friend. She is a photographer and ask me if I mind to help her out the next days. So, I also have my internship now. The last 3 days in NYC gonna be really happy and fully loaded with photography and “TALKI TALKI”. I don’t know why, but the last days are always the greatest.

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Ordnung ist die halbe Miete

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Moin Jungs, das Küchentool ist online. Es ist vom Tisch, wie schön. Auch das Betttextilien-Tool ist online. Ansonsten geh ich hier in Hamburg weiter meinen Weg. Die Sonne scheint zufriedener, mit den Mädels wirds langsam ein bißchen ruhiger und auch die Wochenendarbeit wird in kommender Zeit wieder drastisch ansteigen. Um so mehr freut es mich dann also, dass die bisherige Zeit doch relativ jung verlaufen ist und ich mich ausgetobt habe. Nun muss ich den Ernst des Lebens wieder mal ein bißchen vorantreiben und das weiterplanen was ich so alles vor hatte. Ahoi. Euer Pflock.

Hallo Menschen

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So, ein frohes neues Jahr erstmal an alle, auch wenn schon der siebte ist. Mittlerweile hab ich mich schon ganz gut eingelebt, was bedeutet, dass die Luete in meinem Arbeitszimmer schon jetzt wissen, dass ich nicht mehr ganz suaber bin. Gut so. Ein neues Tool hab ich mittlerweile auch gemacht (auch wenns genauso aussieht wie das erste) und ein paar schöne Spiele-Hintergründe. Klickt euch einfach bis zum Spiel vor. Das schöne ist, man veröffentlicht wirklich relativ viel. Und das tut schon echt gut, nach so langer Zeit bei Mccann nichts zu veröffentlichen.

In Hamburg habe ich mittlerweile ganz gut eingekebt. Auch in der Firma, wo jeder jetzt schon weiß, dass ich nicht ganz knusper bin. Gut so. Die Wohnungssuche geht weiter und freue mich immer über super Tipps. Demnächst wird es hier auf meinem Blog also ein bißchen persönlicher. Ich werde zwar hin und wieder auch schöne Links posten, aber in erster Linie schreib ich jetzt auch mal ein bißchen was übers Leben.