ARCHIVE OF 'china IV'
PAST & FUTURE DAYS
Today, I came to this chilled place in a backyard, surrounded by trees, chatting people, and rushing honking cars in the distance. I ordered a Vietnamese coffee, which wasn’t one, and sat down with my laptop to finally write a blog entry I desperately wanted to write since a couple of days, maybe weeks.
Now that I am here in that coffee place and my choice of leaving home to feel more free to write somewhere else, I feel actually the pressure of writing something great. Funny how we do something to reach a certain state of mind and actually its creating exactly the opposite.
I guess one reason I didn’t write much the past two months is because there is nothing which needs to be written down. On my world trip or in Germany i had sometimes interesting new experiences, struggles and challenges, where in Shanghai everything works out so smoothly and somehow awesome-ish. Maybe its hard here too and I just don’t feel it, because all I can do is compare to my life I had before in Germany. Nothing there worked really out, not many photographers in Germany would allow me to be an assistant for them and learn from them, because I didn’t have any experience or was already too far in my vision of photography to assist. If there was a photographer who agreed on hiring me occasionally, it was really hard to help me out as well, because of the finance crisis and their lack of assignments. Although this frustrating time took more than 8 months I strongly believed and believe that everything is meant to be in the way it happens. Imagine I would have been lucky in Germany and would have got a photography assistant job, I probably wouldn’t be together with my girlfriend and would have the issue of missing traveling a lot. But who knows, everything what happens makes sense because there is only this one way we all have to go. I accept every part of life, because I know it teaches me something.
To live in the present tense and to enjoy the present tense is something that sounds pretty obvious and normal for everybody. But if we have a closer look, we have a hard time excepting the present time, always being busy thinking about which steps to take in future or doubting the steps we have token already in the past. (Thanks to Paul Watzlawick’s “The Invented Reality” I just read and felt confirmed)
And again, maybe that’s the reason I am not writing as much as before because life became just what it is, a mystery of chance, of redundancy and a mystery of the power of control we seem to have. Everything happens exactly the way it needs to happen and I truly believe that the life by itself is guiding me. Thanks life, so far you did a good job.
This blog entry is therefore all about telling what is happening right now and I am sure you can read the future and the past out if it, if you’d like to: Its Sunday and I have my second day off from the weekend. At home there are Zoe’s grandparents from southern China, who are about to make dinner right now. They live with us in the apartment to be closer together with Zoe for a longer time. Its a little hard to understand them, because of their accent, but definitely also because of my lack of Chinese. I am sure it has improved a lot by the time they leave again after 3 weeks. Its almost like a home stay in another country and the only difference is that we provide the home and invite people to stay, rather than staying somewhere else. A very Chinese experience. Of course I was a little worried about being with the parents of my girlfriends ex-husband who desperately wanted their son and Shawnee to be together again. But now, since they are here and are very sweet I gracefully looking in the future. Likely I think its cool to live with a Chinese couple for a while. Its my first home stay, after travelling the world for 18 months and staying in China for a pregnancy’s period of time so far.
And what a great introduction with these last words: The pregnancy is going well. We have decided to go to Seattle for the birth and be together with Shawnees family. She is in her 29th week and feels the way pregnant women feel when they are 29 weeks pregnant. I can’t really speak for her, since I understand her vision of reality only through a filtered system called spoken and body language – hunger and pain. I do though assume that she feels excited as I do but additionally has a hard time to sleep. One thing needs to be mentioned for sure: She is beautiful like the mother of mother nature itself. The baby is kicking hard and I talk to him a lot in German. Ha, I just said it, yes, it will be a boy. Liam shall his name be. So far, so good.
Speaking of which, mother nature is in progress regarding the pictures I just took in An Ji, a gorgeous place close to Hangzhou. I still need to work on the pictures and will show some of them soon. My so called photography career is going OK. I am happy with what I do and where I do it. From an assignment for a German magazine, portraits, product, landscape and travel to my first so called photo shoot on the roof top of hour apartment building. (The picture you see above). To be honest the pictures didn’t come out as expected and led rise at first a little disappointment, but than made myself smile again, thinking back of my world trip’s first pictures and last pictures I took. To be honest it felt almost really great all of the sudden coming home with those shots who didn’t look the way I wanted to look, because it very much showed me the beginning of a new photography way I am about to go. The idea of looking at these pictures again in one and a half years and compare them to the pictures I take than in future, I know It’ll feel good to see the progress I made. Not important if I am competitive in the professional world of photography, I actually give a xxxx nowadays. Fun counts more.
Mainly I need to focus on my daily job, which pays the bills. I work with international people in an chinese-english speaking environment and do all sorts of work. From advertising campaign concepts, advertising campaign executions, illustration, art direct photo shoots, brochures, backdrops, websites, name plates, pens and all these things people feel like it needs some design. I think I said this a 1000 times already.
Its amazing how we sometimes just need to look back and see where we are coming from and how we made that development in whatever we worked on the past time. Of course its recommended not to be too depressed in general, so you don’t start to think about suicide, reminded by all these targets you set yourself and haven’t reached any of those yet.
I hope everybody else is fine and is happy with what they have and what they need to be happy. What I am working on now is my photography work and how to be transcendent, as I already knew that this is the key to be satisfied in eternity. Now, I think I know what way to walk.
CHINA’S GREEN SOLUTIONS
180 DEGREES
It has been only month, that I wrote about my life and thoughts and many things which surrounds me. After my last entry many things changed. My girlfriend Shawnee came to visit me in Shanghai by the end of december. We loved each so much … so we thought of showing that love through a BABY. I will be a father and it feels so great to know. I always wanted to have children and now .. I will have some. She will move here in one week with her daughter who is 9 years old.
I also have found an apartment which is half an hour to walk away from my office, where I found this job. I am senior Art Director and work in surprise ……………. Advertising. Well, I can make money with it and keep in mind, that I actually want to make my money with photography. it pays the bills and is actually not bad. The people are fun to work with and its a very small company too. Actually I made the website for them too.
So basically from arriving with one suitcase in the beginning of september in Nanjing, without a job, no apartment, not much money left and a girlfriend who is very far and not pregnant, I now have all these things within 4 months. I really like the idea that everything is going to be a little more stable now, hopefully she and I will stay a while at one place. I actually imagined, that since 2003 I didn’t stay at any place really longer than half a year. I somehow did in Hamburg before I went to China, but even there I stayed 3 of 8 months out of the country. It feels good somehow that I have arrived and I like all these challenges here, apartment, job, language, family, … yeahhhh.
I somehow got some Emails the past few weeks from various people who wrote me out of the blue to tell me how great my photography is. Especially this guy from Statesville, NC really cheered me up and keeps me thinking about not giving it up with these words:
“I noticed your work when a neighbor showed it to me. I am now very inspired by your work! I’ve always wanted to be a photographer just like you! I’m planning on becoming a photographer later on in life. I’m 14 now but I’m practicing,learning, and working hard to achieve becoming a photographer! I love your work… don’t ever stop what you’re doing! Your photos are very interesting and wonderful to look at as it gives you a chance to think about or be put in someone else’s shoes as you travel to other countries to capture photos of the innocent children and people in other countries. Thank you for everything!”
My decision was the right one and again I can trust myself I am doing the right choices and moves in life. I am still on my way to figure out how to do only things that makes everybody, including me, happy and its good to be on this way: everything is very difficult, so is it perfect.
All the best from Shanghai, where everybody is welcome to stay at my place.
Florian, thanks for reading.
CEREMONY IN THE FRONT YARD
Chanting, drumming and praying I could follow this little ceremony with my camera for about 5 minutes. Still wondering what I saw I will start asking people, showing around the photo, what I saw. Have a good start in the day.
NO NEED FOR A HEADLINE HERE I GUESS
This picture I took today on the wedding I photographed in Nanjing. I like it a lot. That’s exactly the kind of picture I like to take in my head. Maybe its the first time I just uploaded a copy of the image from my head instead of a photograph. Oh yeahh. Just wanted to share this. Now, the following lines will be my thoughts I had on the train from Shanghai to Nanjing.
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Sitting in the train to Nanjing, I listen to the music I used to listen when I went for a run to the lake and around it, close to my place in Hamburg, where I lived. Listen to that music creates the images I have of that area, the people I lived with, the food I cooked and ate, but also brings me back to the way I felt during this time. Its almost like the music is the necessary button to push to project the movie on the screen. I have music that reminds me of certain times at certain places. It is a premise though that I listened to that particular music a lot and also had a special feeling, a special time at those places. Otherwise it doesn’t work.
When I now listen to that music I used to listen in Germany, it reminds me of Germany as other music reminds me of other places in this world I am not from. Does it mean I lost the feeling of being home in Germany? The last 8 months (6 months actually only, because of 8 weeks traveling) now just seems to be another stop on my world travel and I can’t really feel the difference anymore between my stop in New Zealand or China or Vietnam. Yes they are differences where ever I lived, where ever I stayed for a while. Different things that make me happy or bring me down. But non of those places feel like “That’s where I am from” anymore. Non of those places feel like breathing through and be who I am. Non of those places give me the feeling of “I have arrived”, “I came back, to where I belong to”. I became a citizen of the world. In English it sounds way more dramatic than it is. The german translation “Ein Bewohner dieser Erde” simply describes the name of the planet I live on.
In exchange of getting to know new cultures, speak new languages, see new geological wonders, I had to trade my home base. The base known as the place where I would be safe. Where I would be more taken care of. Its not like this anymore though. For sure not. Every place asks you to give your best, to except the rules, to get accustomed to a different way of life. It feels like I lost that base. Did I ever had it? Yes. I had it at a time where I didn’t experience different places, different options to live. To sometimes know less can be great. But I longed for it, so I have to deal with it now.
How was I supposed to know that back in the time when I decided to travel the world and take a break, I would change so much. That I am not just gonna come back, tell people about my adventures and sit down at the desk I used to work again was for sure. But further to the point where I would start a new chapter of my life and without the possibility to flip the pages backwards, oops, I guess I was to naive to think I could actually do that. Well I guess nobody really knew it and knows what is going to happen when starting such adventures.
I don’t want to complain, just explain. If the travel mode wouldn’t suit me
so well, I wouldn’t have decided to extend my trip for 6 months and now finally move away from Germany without any idea of a time when I will return again.
The funny thing is, what I am doing now isn’t that unique at all. Many people from all around the world wander around the globe to find their luck, peace, happiness, whatever they seek for. Everyone of those globetrotters is excited to be somewhere else, because nobody really misses the place they are from. They maybe miss the people and the food. hehe.
To live somewhere else for a longer time claims that you need to give up certain behaviors you grew up with. To do new things you haven’t learned in the place you lived before. And the more you change the place you live, the more you need to deal with your new environment. So there is less time to concentrate on yourself and I think many people like that. A life where its more important to be at a certain place than being yourself. It is great to travel the world, to see all these “other” things. The price I need to pay is to give up a piece of myself: My Home.
SHANGHAI 25° C
Hellooooooooooo people from the world, China and Germany. Maybe also Pakistan or India. (Or Russia, who knows) Whoever reads that blog, I am happy to see you here. After 2 and a half weeks in the states with my girlfriend Shawn Kathleen Russell, her daughter Zoe and actually the entire family, I am back in Shanghai. Actually I had serious breathing problems over there in Seattle. The air was so dry, that I had to pick my nose all the time. I guess I appeared as such a rude guy, people didn’t believe I am German. Now, back in 60% humidity, my nose holes are free like a bird and I can concentrate on more important facts. Sweating for instance. Its so hot here. Today we had 27°C and I can’t believe its almost November.
I do have a couple of jobs now I am working on which is a logo for a music producer in Hamburg, a website for a advertising company in Shanghai and a wedding I gonna photograph on the weekend in Nanjing. And lets see what else comes in next week. More meetings.
The picture you see above is the look out from my room I live in temporarily until the end of January. On this picture we can see the rising sun and the downtown monster buildings close to Jing’An temple. Well dear friends, that’s it. So far so good.