This picture I took today on the wedding I photographed in Nanjing. I like it a lot. That’s exactly the kind of picture I like to take in my head. Maybe its the first time I just uploaded a copy of the image from my head instead of a photograph. Oh yeahh. Just wanted to share this. Now, the following lines will be my thoughts I had on the train from Shanghai to Nanjing.
Sitting in the train to Nanjing, I listen to the music I used to listen when I went for a run to the lake and around it, close to my place in Hamburg, where I lived. Listen to that music creates the images I have of that area, the people I lived with, the food I cooked and ate, but also brings me back to the way I felt during this time. Its almost like the music is the necessary button to push to project the movie on the screen. I have music that reminds me of certain times at certain places. It is a premise though that I listened to that particular music a lot and also had a special feeling, a special time at those places. Otherwise it doesn’t work.
When I now listen to that music I used to listen in Germany, it reminds me of Germany as other music reminds me of other places in this world I am not from. Does it mean I lost the feeling of being home in Germany? The last 8 months (6 months actually only, because of 8 weeks traveling) now just seems to be another stop on my world travel and I can’t really feel the difference anymore between my stop in New Zealand or China or Vietnam. Yes they are differences where ever I lived, where ever I stayed for a while. Different things that make me happy or bring me down. But non of those places feel like “That’s where I am from” anymore. Non of those places feel like breathing through and be who I am. Non of those places give me the feeling of “I have arrived”, “I came back, to where I belong to”. I became a citizen of the world. In English it sounds way more dramatic than it is. The german translation “Ein Bewohner dieser Erde” simply describes the name of the planet I live on.
In exchange of getting to know new cultures, speak new languages, see new geological wonders, I had to trade my home base. The base known as the place where I would be safe. Where I would be more taken care of. Its not like this anymore though. For sure not. Every place asks you to give your best, to except the rules, to get accustomed to a different way of life. It feels like I lost that base. Did I ever had it? Yes. I had it at a time where I didn’t experience different places, different options to live. To sometimes know less can be great. But I longed for it, so I have to deal with it now.
How was I supposed to know that back in the time when I decided to travel the world and take a break, I would change so much. That I am not just gonna come back, tell people about my adventures and sit down at the desk I used to work again was for sure. But further to the point where I would start a new chapter of my life and without the possibility to flip the pages backwards, oops, I guess I was to naive to think I could actually do that. Well I guess nobody really knew it and knows what is going to happen when starting such adventures.
I don’t want to complain, just explain. If the travel mode wouldn’t suit me
so well, I wouldn’t have decided to extend my trip for 6 months and now finally move away from Germany without any idea of a time when I will return again.
The funny thing is, what I am doing now isn’t that unique at all. Many people from all around the world wander around the globe to find their luck, peace, happiness, whatever they seek for. Everyone of those globetrotters is excited to be somewhere else, because nobody really misses the place they are from. They maybe miss the people and the food. hehe.
To live somewhere else for a longer time claims that you need to give up certain behaviors you grew up with. To do new things you haven’t learned in the place you lived before. And the more you change the place you live, the more you need to deal with your new environment. So there is less time to concentrate on yourself and I think many people like that. A life where its more important to be at a certain place than being yourself. It is great to travel the world, to see all these “other” things. The price I need to pay is to give up a piece of myself: My Home.