Since a couple of weeks I really feel what it means to be self employed. It means you are responsible for yourself. Fully. And to be responsible for yourself in a crisis is the most beautiful thing I probably have chosen the past years. I thought about getting a job. Worked in two bars for half the money (4 euros an hour) without tip and didn’t get one of them. The first one, the owner couldn’t handle it when I told him he’s got an assholish attitude towards his employees. After a couple of hidden racist comments from him I couldn’t shut up anymore. What an Asshole. So, I told the guy from the other restaurant I worked for (3 euros an hour) and he told me I am probably to late. I didn’t call earlier, because I thought I get the job in the ‘Asshole-Bar’. Well, now: No job. Anyways. Fuck off. I noticed, that I got way more aggressive towards other people. This difficult situation I am in where nothing is clear and everything is open and I can’t hold on to anything is not easy indeed. Instead of swimming in a boat along the banks, I am floating on a wooden piece in the middle of a broad river. I do have plans, a lot of plans. I just don’t know how to realize anything. I lost the last bit of hope and faith. From now on, it can go only upwards. You never know though. My plans to get my own appartment is still my dream. I can’t afford it. To go to China would be a solution too. Although, I donät really know if I am just running away again. So, I’ll stay in Hamburg, look for a new place to live and safe money. I wish I could amplify my power and courage to do new things and are open to anything. Whatever. Just another entry in my blog probably.